For the sake of keeping up...

You know that feeling you were just trying in earnest to start right? Only to have your motives eventually tested and proven to be at a fault? It's a shitty feeling, totally demotivating and just a downer. But giving up just shows you and everybody else what a pathetic sore loser you are. So it's an option...but not a good one.

I just thought I was in the right direction you know...that I'm showing my true skills because hey, that's what everybody's insisting on me whenever I feel down. But at least now I know it's just words sweetened up with honey and barbecue sauce. I just have concluded now that potential is nothing. Talent is nothing. It's all proven with finished, polished output.

And do I have that?

No.

Have a proven myself with anything?

No.

Do I even know what to prove in the first place? Or what I want to actually prove for that matter?

No...and no...what's there to prove when you have nothing?

Is this post a negative, mopey whiny one?

Yeah.

I don't know anymore. And looking back at my drawings...it's obvious that I don't. What the fuck am I doing this for anyway? What's the message? Should there be one? Does it even fucking matter?

I don't know. I don't know anything. Like fucking Jon Snow. Heck, at least he figured out Ygritte's happy buttons. *spoiler alert* LOL.

I guess it's a good thing I'm suddenly left with nothing -- again. Since I have to work my way up again and figure out the right stuff that should be coming out of my hands. (super saiyan, maybe? or the rasengan? probably the chidori? lmao.) AGAIN.

AGAIN...a-gain...A-GAIN. A. GAIN.  I guess repetition gives something in return...huh. Food for thought there.

Sketch sessions part 1..2014

Met up with friends from the college paper today...and met new ones as well! It was worth the time...I don't know what's up with me lately. I've been drawing more than I used to for the last 4 years. It feels great, but somewhat overwhelming because the feeling I might burst any minute if I don't let it out on paper is weird. Haha...anyway...

Well I haven't been talking much on here so it's only reasonable that nobody knows much. But...let's just say I'm getting to know my talent all over again. It's insane, it's like I'm discovering a new part of me even if it's been with me all this time. Mbleah. Hard to explain. All I know is I'm just glad I'm busy again.

Hopefully something more of a deeper purpose will come of this. I feel guilty that I'm being selfish for drawing and videogaming all the time and hiding myself from people who don't share the same interests that I have.

But I guess I needed a bit of selfishness to grow in me...just so I can get  hold of who I am and what I want with my life once more. Eventually I'll give it all back and make people happy in earnest.

Meh. Enough chatter...more drawing..so here ya go some of the stuff that happened earlier :P

I poured out my heart and now I'm falling

around 2 hours worth of doodling. i've gone rusty :| boo

So...I just wanted to post my progress. Right now I'm just collecting some references and trying to get the feel/vibe of the entire thing. Eventually the style will probably get simpler so as to fit into my tight schedule -- since something of this level of realism will require me to not make simple tonal shading in the final output of the comic. Ahaah...

I really needed this. It's personally funny for me that I didn't really feel much for this story at first, but thanks to a good friend of mine, somehow he helped me gain some confidence to actually push through. Despite the doubts creeping in earlier this day...somehow doodling them out tonight has helped me love it all the more that, if I don't finish this around July - September, the failure will determine how much of a loser I am. LOL

I'm in Shizuku mode right now!!! Gaaaahhhh!!! CONCRETE ROOOOAAAADSSS~

Tagalog naman para maiba.

OCD project. Hehe. OCD Mondays na sya ngayon. Nainspire lang ako dun sa post ni Kuya Robx

http://thecreativedork.com/2013/05/8338/snapshots-doodles-and-dumplings/

Nakakatuwa lang na nafeature na ang mukha ko sa blog ng iba. Wahehey! There's always a first for everything...nakakatuwa lang na yung buong April ko nafeature na ako sa iba't ibang paraan. Haylavet.

Kaso ayun...umm...well wala ako sa mood talaga today. Pero may mga drawings ako'ng hindi napost dito nung April kasi ewan ko...tanga lang.

Heto na:

Ayun. Wala lang. Nagtambak lang. hahaha. Karamihan naman dito nasa Tumblr ko narin. Bleh. Dapat talaga ayusin ko na mga blogs ko. Di ko na alam kung saan ilalagay ang alin. Maryosep. Aayusin ko to, wag kayo mag-alala. Waaaah.

Sketchadump January

Maybe I should stop associating situations immediately with the songs I like. I get attached to the memories right away when I find them their suitable theme song. And then...when the moment fades and things change...I get my heart shattered to pieces.


Why am I so emotional?

Anyway. Bearded men singing. Nothing makes the world better than bearded men singing.



My heart has been my teacher and I've learned quite a lot
Listened while I could and tried not t get caught in the
Bum badum badum badum badum

My heart is bound in leather like the book you sent
I filled it with words and I penned them again
Drip by drip by drip by drip by drip

Do yourself a favor, find a way
To get away

Hit me with your car, hit me with your best shot
I'll be standing there on the sidelines waiting
To see what it is that you've got

Do yourself a favor, find a way
To get away
(Hey-ey hey-ey hey ya da da da da
Da da-da, da da da da da)

And when the summer sun comes yo might shape up
Go back to being yourself and to the ones you love
And when the summer sun comes you might just say
"I gotta find a way to get away"

And when the summer sun comes yo might shape up
Go back to being yourself and to the ones you love
And when the summer sun comes you might just say
"I gotta find a way to get away"
(Hey-ey hey-ey hey ya da da da da)

My heart has been my teacher and I've learned quite a lot
Listened while I could and tried not t get caught in the
Bum badum badum badum badum

Sketchdumps

Just posting some stuff to get some steam off my system. Right now I'm trying to develop some characters I'm working on for a story with a friend. Not sure if we'll make it into a comic or narrative with illustrations in it. Or who knows, maybe an animated feature. Heh. It's all undecided as of the moment. But we just keep on dreamin' on paper until something defined comes around right?

How I wish I can sketch like most people I look up to. Sometimes I wonder how they do it. My sketches look like chicken-scratch compared to theirs...being colored and all. Maybe my mistake is associating sketches with speed. Haha. I think not all studies or sketches last for 30 minutes at the longest...there are others  who reaaaally spend time on something just to understand it. So...yeah. I should keep that in mind...it's not bad to take time and learn something new.

And I seriously need to learn something new.

Oh geez.

So, meet Naira. She's a lead character I'm developing with a friend. Actually...she's the girl on the picture above. Errrmmm, what can I say about her? Weeell, she's impatient. Though lately she tries to work on that bit because it might affect the raids she and her team is participating on. Whenever she's making that face, there are about a hundred complaints running in her head every minute. It's rare that you see her smile unless she's with Kit...which is that guy next to her. And yeah, you guessed it. She likes him but he doesn't know. LOL. or...maybe he does...or...who knows really. O_O

Welp, I still have no concrete idea of what her personality would be. She's easily bored, that's one. If there's one thing in life that she really wants, it's probably to get out of the ship and feel the wonderful feeling of solid planetary ground under your feet, with real gravity pulling you down. (Our story is set in space you see...but that's all we're gonna reveal for now. Eheh!)

I have nothing else to say, right now I'm pretty much reflecting what Naira feels. Haha! Ah well~

Sketchdump + WTP

So...I just want to let you all know that...I'M DONE. Woooooooooaaaaaaaaahhhahahaha!!

Sort of...I'm stumped with the cover...but that's just a few minor adjustments!! :D -dance dance- Besides I was more worried about the contents than the cover so hey! Ow yiiis.

Here's the promised walk-through process I said before :)

So...uh...yeah. The first stages. Just....uh...oh well.

So I think this is the first time I'd be showing the peoples of the webs how I work. I now realize I'm an embarrassment to myself and to artists all over the world at giving WIPs. Haha.

Well THAT part of the illustration is done at least. LOL. Actually it is done, but I have to keep some parts secret..so :p

Oh look it came out fine...Haha. So there you have it folks. A little preview of what it's like to my working life. Thanks for being so sweet and understanding! :D

----

In other news, somehow because of  doing serious paintings for like one week straight...all I could manage to do on my personal time is this:

Well this image is mostly based on these two songs:

We Give In Sometimes -Up Dharma Down
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M06-KdTGAfs
Hear my confession
Lingering intentions
Bringing us to different directions
So take what you can

Take me where I wanna be
Any place will do
Learn the tricks of fire
I apologize
But I'm gonna have to take me with you
Learn the tricks of fire
And wash yourself with it

Yeah yeah
Learn the tricks of fire
And wash yourself with it

Feel the sand in between your toes
Nobody has to know
The pleasure that you take
In every step you make
Harbor it all the way

Take me where I wanna go
I have survived in defeat
Do you know the tricks of fire
I apologize
But I'm taking me with you
I badly, badly need to burn
Badly need to burn

Yeah yeah
I badly, badly need to burn
Badly need to burn

Sand and the sea..
Meet in between
Fire and ice..
You and I
Meet in between..
Meet in between..
You and I
You and I


Peaceful, The World Lays Me Down - Noah and the Whale
(Well youtube can suck at times and tells me they shan't play the vid in my country. -__- meh)
Oh, well it's hard to look deep into your soul.
Not everything you find will be perfect gold.
There are ghosts and demons that hide in the dark.
Oh, they wait 'till I find love and then they laugh.
Oh, they know that my body is no way good enough.
Know that my heart is no way strong enough to bear the sorrow that love brings.
Oh, when I coil in fear, oh, the demons sing.

It's a hollow love for a heart with no blood
In it's veins.

Oh, it's a hollow love for a heart with no blood
In it's veins.

Oh, there is no endless devotion,
That is free from the force of erosion.
Oh, and if you don't believe in God,
How can you believe in love?
When we're all just matter that will one day scatter,
When peaceful the world lays us down.
Oh, and finding love is a matter of luck
Oh, and unsettled lovers move from fuck to fuck.
Oh, and compare their achievements like discussing bereavements
And compare their abrasions with romantic quotations,
Oh, as peaceful, the world watches down.

But, oh, we were blown out of the water.
Oh, and we walk on the feet we have grown.
And we were given a heart, of which love was a part.
Oh, and we cornered the thing from which all life will spring.
And it gave value to the world
that surrounds us.

But we consider the world just for a moment,
Oh, and it's gone before we even know,
Oh, but I'll follow the ground,
Yeah, I'll follow the ground,
Oh, I'll follow it round,
Yeah, I'll follow it round,
Until peaceful the world lays me down.