We Don't Have it All

Inspired by Mr. Boulet's website. I got it from Mr. Keith Ikeda-Barry who's also a participant in the 30 Days Project!

This is really not much...but I guess I could entertain you with a little rant I have about this whole 'moving on' project I decided to sign up for:

Sometimes I feel that it's such a heavy task that it seems impossible to attain. I remember my first heartbreak...and it took me two years, and one god-awful-online-relationship-that-lasted-three-months-which-just-made-things-worse just to move on and learn my lesson. It felt like forever.

And once again...it feels like forever. With an additional nagging feeling that I'm making another impending mistake in the horizon...(that I never wish will happen....I really don't.)

If indeed there are reincarnations...I'd love to be reincarnated to an inanimate object. Perhaps they don't have feelings...and their sole responsibility is to be a rock that's meant to cut off someone's arm a' la 127 hours style. Right now, emotions are a big deal of pain in my life. Even the littlest of pleasures eventually depress me. I don't know why...or maybe I do know why. It's probably my fear of loss, or my sense of denial over feelings of grief....who knows right? Probably both.

It's funny that I'm heartbroken because I realize that it's pointless to chase after the wind, not because someone deliberately broke my heart. In a sense, I broke my own heart for letting myself "like/love" someone to a pointless, foreveralone-esque degree.

Anyway...yeah. I just want to be the wind. Floating around, making people smile or pissed with the gusts I make and not being aware of it because I'm comprised of atoms that buzz around to make air.

...who or what moves those atoms in such a way that it can take off roofs or entire houses on a strong monsoon season? Is the atomic/molecular activity so strong that it just deliberately forms itself into a raging storm? God knows.

Too bad, because like the mysterious activity of the wind currents...God won't explain to me why I feel this way and not some other way instead. Oh the struggles of practicing one's faith and being human and sane.