See you on 2012

This blog started with a lovely spark...a flame that was beginning to shine bright with promise 11 months ago. Shooting up to the sky with a lovely trail of memories and accomplishments, and a little bit of disappointments as well.

But as the year progresses, you will notice a decline, a sort of downfall even, from that little spark. And now that little spark has lost its momentum and is now gradually increasing in velocity on falling back to earth.

Much has been said, but not enough to inspire. I feel like I am lacking something. Probably something worth sharing that would inspire and impact not only my life, but other people as well. So it got me thinking.

Initially I wanted this blog to be a mix of my personal life and my experiences with my God or my spiritual life so much like Fabiola Garza's...but I end up sounding like a "trying-hard" poser. Somehow I fear that people will find it cheesy or too religious, and that's what I'm trying to avoid. Also, I feel like I'm not living up to the name I gave this blog...and it feels like I am failing miserably even on the smallest things such as this.

Sometimes I wonder if I do have a voice...or the fact that if I have something to say. I only talk and talk and talk...but no action was ever seen from me -- ever. I'm just one of those wise-ass people who think they know everything, but in truth, have never seen the dark realities of life. How, indeed, can you comfort when you have not encountered the problem and has proven to come out of it successfully? How can you inspire people when you've never faced the same troubles they did? How can you reach out to people when you yourself are closed?

So many things are running in my mind right now. One of them is recalling my high school blog (friendster took it down, along with other precious memories), where I used to post passionate, angst-driven post that actually got a lot of readers. How did I do that? I used to be burning forests already....and now I can't even light a damn candle.

Another thought is change or inspiring people to make worthwhile things. Deep down, a lot of us desire to make a change...a lot of us have those "if I ruled the world" mental monologues. And it's one of the things I do wish to pursue. I used to be on track, almost grasping the prize...but now all is lost. I can't even reach out to the people I love so dearly in the office -- what more to the blogosphere?

And what is my true purpose for posting this blog anyway? Was it really for the greater good? Or just my vanity talking? To be honest, sometimes I am embarrassed of what I let you see here, because it's in contrast to what I desire for you to see. Most of the time I just feel like I'm wasting your time.

Yeah, insecurity talking. Sorry.

Anyway, this is why I'm putting this blog on hiatus until January so I can think things through....again. Do pray that by 2012 I shall know what I want to do with my life...and that I may share with you whatever treasure it is that I find.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Now I'm all at sea~