Stuck in a rut...

But at least I had a chance to watch Rio in the theaters before it flies away. Haha...can't wait for Kung Fu Panda 2.

I wanna party
I wanna samba
I wanna party
And live my life
I wanna party
And fly~


Rio is one of the best places in the world, and one of the places I wish to go to before I die...haha ahh carnaval~ Someday I'll see your bright and shining lights and dazzling colors and amazing dancers in person...if God wills it, then someday :))

some new doodles.

i decided to put a lil twist on the lookbook thing; this is me when i was 6. haha.

played around with some painterX brushes.

summer makes me think of surfing...

and more surfing.

i was supposed to give impressionist painting a shot by painting my hand with the shadows from the window...but eh.

some older stuff from last week methinks:

i wish this would come true. haha. go goriotikins~

Black Saturday

It's funny how some happenings in your life can relate to the day itself.

Black Saturday, because I came across this video:



 I'm one of the first batch of animation students here in the Philippines. In the year 2007, new courses were offered in DLS-CSB and one of them was AB-Animation. I enrolled to that with a lot of enthusiasm and hopes...but 3-4 years later, I came out with only a quarter of the satisfaction I deserve.

I honestly am not sure how things went wrong. That, or I have a hard time expressing my angst about everything that happened to my college life then. But I guess it can revolve on this statement our German professor said when he was giving a lecture during our Pre-production class (note - this is more of a rephrase since he said this to us around 2008-09 so it's not verbatim anymore):

"You know, you kids are one of the laziest art students I know of. Yes. It's true that your professors are not offering the right education you deserve; but that's mostly because they're tied down to the school's idiotic system. If your school can't help you, don't mope around! Go out! Find other places where you can actually learn something -- most of the time you don't even need to go out since you have something all of us old people here didn't have when we were your age: internet! You'll find a LOT of things already online. You just don't know how to use it. If you really want to be in this business you have to find other ways to learn if this school won't give it to you. Sorry, but that's just how it is...

But, you have a right to complain to the school board. Who among you has even done that? Your professors can try and try to pitch a new kind of curriculum but still get rejected unless you students actually show to them you are as well unhappy with how things are going. They should know! You have a right to let them know -- so let them know! Stop sitting around complaining amongst yourselves. Be responsible and act upon the things you know you can do! You have more power than your professors will ever have when it comes to the higher ups because your parents are the ones who are paying. So use that advantage!"

I'm just filled with mixed emotions over it. Like...I can just imagine what could've had happened if  we were trained properly as animation students, if I wasn't such a whiny little spoiled brat before -- but overall mostly what if we had a much better lay-out of the curriculum and education and training about anything related to animation. I really believe it would have made such a big difference if the students and professors alike weren't groping for solutions in the dark. We actually just discovered that the whole set-up of our course was messed up during our 2nd year when two professors from the outside came in and offered their wisdom to us. If it weren't for them, us students would never have been actually prepared for what's out there in the real world of animating. (i.e. Training was so bad that until now I honestly still do not understand the concept of those time grid things placed at the corner of animation papers. Haha. I asked people, I did. But somehow I just really have a hard time understanding it...and no one took the time to explain it to me well enough -- half of it was my fault. But still.)

Oh well, past is past and there's no other way but forward. You just can't help but feel bad at times that you could have done so much more if it weren't for the lopsided view of "some people in authority" when it comes to education and art. Just imagine if art -- or education for that matter -- was properly supported here as it is in European countries; by high school you'd actually know what you want to do and how to get to it since at that point, they'd actually help you go to art schools/workshops so that when you enter the universtiy, you'll be well equipped. And by the time you're in the university, you'd actually be honing your skills at an international level of quality.

It's just so disappointing...especially since we actually see "some people in authority" go abroad, but come back with nothing to offer to us for improvement. We are obviously not getting what we deserve, and a lot of us are so desensitized to this hopelessness that a lot of us are just stuck to ranting in blogs. How many blogposts, angry statuses and forum boards do we need to actually do something? haha...I admit that I am guilty of this, but I myself still don't know what solution could there be to change a culture that looks like a giant thorny vine with it's roots planted deep into the ground? How do you uproot such a pest, if it's the only thing that keeps our ground stable? How do you kill something that's not good for your garden that's obviously dying already? How the hell, do we, as the hope and future of this nation be able to do something about it if solutions are slim and the chances of them working needs a lot of money -- and we're poor?

Maybe I'm just a pessimist at the moment. And I guess I'm just worried too much because I'm not looking at this from His point of view. I just really hope that His wisdom would come down to the youth of this generation by a landslide-esque sort of impact, so that a lot of us would move this nation to a different direction with such force, that those corrupt old bags can't do anything about it. Haha. Soon. But for now, I must train myself hard to be of international quality as well.

See you guys around! :) God bless.

Maundy Thursday

Some cool music from one of the bands that continue to inspire me...


Chocolate - Snow Patrol
This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home

With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25

This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time

You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done it's too late for that
What have I become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time


I like one of the comments posted about the video as well:

'chocolate isn't a necessity its something we like or want, and Lightbody consumed the "chocolate" by cheating on his girlfriend which inspired him to write this song. The song itself represents his regret and his urge to become a better person. The video represents this by showing Lightbody not giving in to materialistic needs that everyone else is obviously obsessed with. I think the message just states that we should love what really matters instead of empty self indulgence, life is too short.' - opium123

It's the Holy Week holiday today until Sunday...quiet weekend for most of us -- if you don't count the old people singing the "Passion of the Christ" as their penance for their sins. haha. Overall, despite the monotonously offtune background surround sound effects, it's a nice week to cool down a bit.

Also, in bible study...I learned something that was really quite striking:

We must translate our passions into strategic action.

Cool stuff yeah? Hehe...that's all for now, folks! Have a blessed week! :)

fail day

well...overall it was actually a good day. finished doing storyboards for a project, lovely summer day and all that...had fun with coworkers while working...but....ah well...today was the day I learned how painful it is to not follow the "carpe diem" saying when an opportunity arrived.

so if I were you...don't let any opportunity pass! let it be so now! seize the moment! no regrets! go for it because life's really short...especially for us youngins. -- especially if 2012 IS the end of the world...yeah? so do the good things you must do...so that when the world around us is going into ruins, you won't be regretting anything....but die satisfied and happy. :) have a good day/night!

bermuda parodies

you hear the cries
at night they resound
the roars of each wave
racing to their senseless deaths
upon the craggy rocks along the edge

like the pride in my heart
the anger that drives it to madness
the sorrow it becomes as it turns into foam

a heart with no rest
lost at sea
faraway...from any sign of life
distant from the calls of above

i resound the face and voice of the devil that was me
the sullen demeanor,
the angry composure
the eyes that would reflect the very darkest depths of what was once me


resurfacing, surging, desiring for blood
my own blood.

my own death...

it calls...

where's the light that would guide me through?
I feel so close yet far away.
Lost...but right in place.


spinning in circles I am...
creating a vortex, pulling me in...deeper and deeper

into the depths of the dark unknown

--- A narraive of sorts~ ---
All because of a book I'm suddenly feeling like a useless piece of garbage. I'm quite surprised really. It's been a while since I feel so pissed off over something so small. But I really still have issues with the strict regimen of religion -- even if what I believe in should not even be considered a religion in the first place...you think that Christians have a steady life? No. Satan hates us for one, you really think he'd sit around and rest with him knowing his enemy is out and about being productive? Sheesh. Second, it's a relationship...and it's not always that we feel mushy and lovey dovey with our loved ones. Especially if you have a borderline cynical pessimist/idealistic optimist for a brain. Ugh.


I love God really...but gee...do I really end up like such a worthless asshole for forgetting to bring up a book from the basement? Really? Seriously? And here I thought we shouldn't be bound by strict religious practices or whatever just to prove our faith. I'm really confused now.


And thus...He replies -_-

 ²² But Samuel replied:

   “Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
   as much as in obeying the LORD?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
   and to heed is better than the fat of rams.
²³ For rebellion is like the sin of divination,
   and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the LORD,
   he has rejected you as king.” - 1 Samuel 15:22-23 (Emphasis mine)

Sigh. But I really forgot. So I'm condemned for that?


²⁰ “Do not be afraid,” Samuel replied. “You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. ²¹ Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. ²² For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own. ²³ As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. ²⁴ But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. ²⁵ Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will be swept away.” - 1 Samuel 12: 20-25




I give up. I have a feeling I'd lose to this conversation so I'm stopping. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


anyway just ignore this part...it's a personal thing. you might mistake this as something else...so please...just dont. haha. read the poem and move on.

A shot at storyboarding and comics again~

Done with work today...to celebrate, we studied some basic 3D video tutorials and almost died. After that, we doodled...practiced and got our first allowance as probees. Woohoo!

Because the author of this blog is a foolish eejit, she lost the second set of panels for this...thus the odd skip of scenes. But ah well...it still works. Anyway~

Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles
I wish I were pretty
I wish I were brave
If I owned this city
Then I'd make it behave


And if I were fearless
Then I'd speak my truth
And the world would hear this
That's what I wish I'd do, yeah


If my hands could hold them you'd see
I'd take all these secrets in me
And I'd move and mold them to be
Something I'd set free


I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time


I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight


I hold on to worry so tight
It's safe in here right next to my heart
Who now shouts at the top of her voice
Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice


And I always felt it before
That the world was filled with much more
Than the drowning soul I've learned to be
I just need the rain to remind me


I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time


I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down


I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down


I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight

Oh yeah! Something interesting I found...toilet paper cores! Who knew right?!

http://www.fubiz.net/2010/09/14/paper-cuts-rolls/

brownpaper 2008

more old stuff...

ugh...

excuse me while i writhe in embarrassment and turn my innards out -- oh hey i was skinny before

old comics in the same notebook:

Oh....by the way...the pages read like how you would read a Japanese comic/manga. But I think the dialogue still flows like how a normal dialogue box should. Forgive the cheesiness....
remember it reads RIGHT TO LEFT.

 

To summarize it for you, the girl (Vivienne) had some issues. Despite the couple being deeply inlove with each other, Vivienne had this desire to disappear. Somehow she seemed unhappy with their relationship so one day she just left the guy, Will, without a word. Will, being the devastated lover that he is, couldn't get over Vivienne...and that pretty much sums it up. It reflects how I view my relationship at that time. I feel exactly like how Vivienne feels -- confused as hell. :)) Will is just a metaphor.

blast from the past...literally

because...my drawings sorta blew me away....I forgot I had them.

But before that...let's have the outfit for the day first (April 14, 2011)

painter x....is the best thing that ever happened. i must know more of this program

Okay! now for the feature presentation~

It's a crammed project I did for one of our general subjects way back when; I think the subject was FILIP13. Not sure if this was done when I was still in my freshman years or my sophomore years...but...seriously, I can't believe I had the ability to do this kind of linework. I was shocked myself when me and my friend Eveth saw this on my old multiply account...(hah sorry I won't link that to you...because it's full of......nevermind. These are the best parts already..so...just focus on this and enjoy).

This comic, by the way, is inspired by a previous relationship -- my first one actually (only...in real life...he's not a guy). I deleted the original sizes before...somehow I regret it now that I'm over the entire thing. But hey! At least I forgot to remove my multiply account from the face of the world wide web. haha! Hooray for digging up old stuff and sentimental feelings. :))

While unearthing my embarrassing and depressingly mortifying multiply site, I decided to go check my old files to see if I had some other works saved up...and I was surprised to find that I did some good stuff back then -- despite me slacking off and wasting most of my time devoting my attention on a now wasted love-affair-that-I-used-to-think-would-last-forever...so here are some of them~

College Dump circa 2008-2009(?)

original character line-up

Elise stuck in her room

Louie, our aspiring pyrotechnician from the 19th century

Some storyboards I did for our group...these were the revisions for the final storyboard we had to present during our panel. Gosh...brings back memories, all that bickering, hatred, angst, stress...college could never have been more awesome. Without those darkest moments of my life, I'd never enjoy them this much today and appreciate all those horrendous moments as a part of my growth now. God, thank you...haha!

I just found the rest of the storyboard...but maybe I'll be posting them next time. haha! They're quite a lot so...yeah.